It is that time of the year again. The beginning of the year. Where everyone makes their New Year’s resolutions. “I want to be more in shape this year.” or “I want to make more money this year.” are New Year’s resolutions I hear a lot. They are the resolutions that appear in the top results when searching for resolutions and the ones that you most likely thought of yourself. But there is something wrong with these resolutions. There is something structurally wrong with these goals. They aren’t unrealistic, but they approach the way of goal setting wrong. Completely wrong.
Why do we set goals
Let’s start by looking at why we want to set goals. We want to improve. We want to become a ‘better me’. But what is a better me exactly? That is quite a question. It is a question where most people fail to give a proper answer. What does it mean to ‘improve’? It is to always be happy right? To stay positive even in the worst of moments?
The opposite is true. You might say well if I am always happy doesn’t that mean that I will be content with myself? Well, unfortunately, we are not so simple after all. We experience emotions. And staying positive all the time would burrow the negative emotions. It would hide them in a corner. It might seem you are fine with piling up these emotions in the corner, but unfortunately, they won’t fade out of existence. They will stay. And they will eventually creep up to you. Causing even bigger problems and emotions. It hurts our emotional health. It’s better to let them go. Our emotions are natural and can be seen as ‘feedback’ on what is happening in life. It is okay for life to be shit sometimes. It is okay to let go of your emotions from time to time.
What not to do
So how does this exactly translate to goalsetting you might ask? Well, when thinking of resolutions you want to accomplish in 2024 you should set realistic goals. These goals should accomplish happiness. It should not accomplish pleasure. Pleasure is short-term happiness. It is fantastic to experience, but should not dictate your goals. Drinking many beers the night before an exam might bring pleasure, but succeeding in the exam and getting there in life will gain happiness. I am not saying that you should never go out and have a couple of beers. I would even say I would encourage everyone to have a good time and make the best of their student time! But the pleasure, of drinking beers in this case, should not be the focus when creating your goals.
Moreover, you should never aim for material success: “I want to be able to afford a Volvo.” or “I want to move to a bigger house this year.”. We think that once we achieve this one thing. Once we can afford the Volvo, then we will be happy. But the reality is that once you eventually have the Volvo you have craved for all this time, you crave for a Porche. You say to yourself: “Once I own the Porche, then I will be happy.” You get the point. Material success is not the thing that makes us happy. It might make you happy for a while, and it for sure will. But once you are used to owning the Volvo, you will eventually crave for more. It is our instinct. We want the thing that is just outside our reach.
What to do
So what should your New Year’s resolutions be? If you may not be materialistic and you are not setting goals towards eternal positivity in life. What are the values that do impact our lives in a meaningful way? As Mark Manson writes in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck:
“Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive and 3) immediate and controllable.”
Mark Manson – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Let me dive deeper into the meaning of these three subcategories that good values abide by. First and foremost, the value you are trying to improve should be reality-based, meaning it should be measurable in some sense. Being loved by your friend group is something you can not work on. You might feel like you are being loved, but you have no way of knowing what your friends truly think of you. Honesty is an example of something that is measurable/reality-based. You know exactly how honest you have been to yourself and the ones around you. Which is exactly what point two is all about. Being able to learn and improve through human activity and interaction.
And the last measure is that your value should be immediate and controllable. So, looking back at the example of being loved by your friend group, this is something that is not (fully) in your control. You are not able to control whether your friends like you or not. Of course, you can be friendly and be curious about their holiday plans. But it is something that has to come from both sides. Even if you are at your best, a friend might not like you that way. And this is something that is out of your control. Something you can’t do anything about. And that is exactly the problem. When setting goals you want to set a goal that depends on you. You are the one that is going to complete this goal. You are the one that wants to ‘improve’.
Final word
So now you know what New Year’s resolutions you should actually pursue, that, in the end, will make you a ‘better you’ and will generate happiness. Happiness that would otherwise have been moments of pleasure, while not progressing towards what you would actually want to progress towards: Being happy and proud of who you are and what you are doing. As a final remark, I would like to endow you with one final thought: setting goals and targets should always aim to make you happier. It should never be to impress others. It should be to make your life that 1% more enjoyable.